What matters?

Yesterday I finished a month long writing workshop called Unmute yourself – your story matters led by the incomparable Ann Randolph. Each weekday for four weeks we met as a group to meditate and then write based on a prompt/s that Ann offered. I’ll be honest – I started the month with a bad case of imposter syndrome. I’ve never considered myself to be a writer and here I was, in the midst of a group of amazing writers from around the world. After each session we were encouraged to share our unedited text with those on the workshop and offer appreciative feedback to one another. That feedback gave me hope – that maybe I can write.

From one day to the next I had no idea what I’d end up writing each day – I just let whatever words wanted to be written come. It took me on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster at points there were tears of laughter, at others tears of sadness and grief. There were highs and lows and brought up memories, stories and questions. This, combined with another conversation that was had late last night have left me feeling a bit battered and bruised and wondering what does matter in my life?

In September 2018 one of the most extraordinary people I’ve ever met walked into my life. This person turned my world upside down without even realising what he was doing. He was like a breath of fresh air in my life – bringing with him light, warmth and a new perspective on everything. Since that day we first met until now we’ve been through a lot. Looking back I see it as chapters in a book of life that we share together. As each chapter comes to a close I get scared – my fear of abandonment comes up to play. That’s what happened last night. And this time, it’s left me wondering what matters to me? What do I want?

What matters to me? My best friend … he’s amazing!

Last summer I did a life plan (we both did in tandem) – it went through all aspects of life and what we wanted to achieve in each of them. It gave me a focus and something to aim for (and it’s how Eco Monkey came into being). Although writing it a year ago and feeling so buoyed by it and inspired by (and knowing the gist of it by heart) – I hadn’t looked at for a while. It came up in conversation last night – another reminder for me to look at it. Up until now I’ve only shared parts of this plan with one person. Others parts I kept to myself. I kept hidden out of sight so no one could hold me accountable to them. That changes today. Whilst I’m not sharing all of my goals here (some are only appropriate for selected eye/ears) … some I want to share here. So I can be held accountable to them, by anyone and everyone who reads this now. So here goes… ten rules for my life based on my life plan:

  1. I speak and honour my truth at all times. Communication is king.
  2. I have faith in my ability to do anything I put my mind to.
  3. I have a support system around me and am happy to call on them.
  4. I make time for me each day.
  5. I trust that what is meant to be will be.
  6. I have patience that what is meant to happen will happen at the right time.
  7. I will live to my fullest potential and be the best version of myself.
  8. I will remain loyal to those I hold nearest and dearest – but will never suffer fools gladly.
  9. I will live a healthy life.
  10. I will listen and learn from the lessons life gives me.

I’ll be honest – some of these are not quite as they were written in my life plan. Too many were written in the negative – I was focused on what I didn’t want to bring in … and, as the law of attraction says … where you put your attention is what you bring in. You focus on what you don’t want – you’ll find you have it in abundance.

I’ve been caught in a cycle of self destruction over the past year. I focused on what I didn’t want and that’s what I brought in. But what matters is what I do want – not what I don’t. There are two words that keep repeating for me are trust and patience. I need to believe in both as much as I believe in other things. If I don’t – I know I run the risk of losing people and things from my life that do matter to me. And that’s not an option for me.

Invitation: Consider the rules you live your life by – I wonder if they’re all with positive intent? If not – I wonder how you could tweak them to be?

If you feel moved to take this invitation, I invite you to share what you are noticing below.

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