Balance

Last night was the full moon, the Pink Moon. The name is inspired by a pink springtime flower called creeping phlox, or moss phlox rather than being a description of the moon herself.

The April full moon falls in libra, a sign which focuses on brining balance into your life (according to a book I’m reading called Lunar Living by Kirsty Gallagher). That could be the balance between the needs of self and the needs of others, the balance between giving and receiving, or the balance between the heart and the soul.

The April full moon – the Pink moon

I am striving to redress balance in my life, to even out the giving and the receiving, to give equal weighting to my own needs as well as the needs of others. Too often I have wanted to be the pleaser, to do what I can to look after the needs of those I hold dear with little consideration as to my own needs. But that has to change. It’s not healthy.

The lack of balance in my life emotionally broke me back at the start of year. The person I called my best friend walked out of my life after I’d travelled thousands of miles to see them. They struggled to either honour the word that they’d given me or, in the end, give me a few minutes of their day to say goodbye to my face. Once the initial pain and heartache subsided, I tried to look at what happened from all angles. I wanted a balanced and unbiased view of it all. I tried to get clarity on what their side was, I wanted to understand, without prejudice, why what happened did. But they refused to take my call (and my sneaky attempt to get a conversation backfired badly). Several months later I find myself still off balance with it … still wanting clarity and to regain my equilibrium. Ever the optimist, I’m still hopeful that they’ll find it in their heart to reach out, to offer that balance in what happened as I feel stuck without it. They’re the only one who can do that (if you’re reading this – you know who you are – please reach out).

As the full moon was lighting up the night sky yesterday, I had a conversation with someone who expressed a level of guilt about the friendship they and I had, that there wasn’t balance. As they saw it – they kept receiving from me but felt that they weren’t giving in return. It felt like they saw “giving” just in terms of materials things, discounting the intangible gifts that they have given me. I’d perhaps taken it for granted that what was more balanced for me was for the other person too – but it was a reminder that that isn’t always the case. I could argue that the confidence and self belief that they have helped instil in me could never be matched with the mere tokens of material things I have given in return. I guess that’s why communication is key to most things in life – whether verbal or otherwise. It ensures that the other person knows. Without any cause for doubt.

There are times over the past few months my attempt to redress balance has possibly swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction to where it had been. The focus now is to bring it back to the middle. To be in balance. To honour myself and those others who come into my life. To be open and honest with those who are close to me. To be conscious of my giving and my receiving. To ensure the needs of my kid energy/heart/soul and heard and are honoured. To be me.

Invitation: I invite you to consider all areas of your life. Is there balance? Is there a need to bring some in?

If you feel inclined to take this invitation – you’re welcome to comment below with what you are noticing.

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